FOR SALE

If I did not know better I would swear that the poem "FOR SALE" in the book.
"Where The Sidewalk Ends?" by Shel Silverstein, was written about me. I remember after
hearing that poem for the first time, I thought to myself, "Did this man see me selling my sister or something?" I used to sale, trade, giveaway Kathy (my younger sister)on a daily basis. It was just one of those things that was gonna happen everyday until she did not get returned.
Yes, I said returned. I know now, she is a person and not merchandise but at 3, she was merely no different than an old falling apart baby doll, a broken barbie, a deck of cards with 1/3 of them missing and perhaps even a bad dream that occurred every night.
I was stuck in my own Labyrinth. Every door opened to the same room, every corner I took was the same corner and every piece of matter that showed up ended up right back where it started. "IT DROVE ME ABSOLUTELY TO THE BRINK OF INSANITY"


FOR SALE
By: Shel Silverstein

One sister for sale!
One sister for sale!
One crying and spying young sister for sale!
I’m really not kidding,
So who’ll start the bidding?
Do I hear the dollar?
A nickel?
A penny?
Oh, isn’t there, isn’t there, isn’t there any
One kid that will buy this old sister for sale,
This crying and spying young sister for sale?


I know everybody that knew me thought I was either possessed by a demon or psychotic. A normal child would not think of the things that I saw in my head let alone attempt them with no remorse. The things I did to that girl sounds like it is straight out of a horror film, but is all 100% true.
How can such a young child have such thoughts? What was wrong with me? Can jealousy really drive a child as young as 3 over the edge. I might have not went off that ledge but I teetered on it for years.
Just a few examples for now of the things I did to her besides of the saling,trading and giving away of her.
- Tried to hit her in the head with a hammer when she was 2 weeks old.
- Attempted to lay her on a rocking horse and shove her down the metal stairs on the outside of our apartment.
- Filled her dads canteen that the two of them were sharing with contaminated water .
- Made her suck a dogs teats by hitting her with a stick until she complied then I remember telling her " You are so gross!" , "Somebody would have to kill me before I would do that", " You probably liked it" and proceeded to tell the whole elementary school that she did it.
- I hung all her baby dolls and barbies (after beheading them) from the ceiling and poured Ketchup on them and told her "I killed all your babies!, go ahead go to sleep, I will get you too"
- I went outside to this giant iron pot that was cemented in the ground that my grandma had been using to put flowers in, dug out all the dirt and flowers, filled it with water, built a fire under it and put her in it and as I stirred with a big stick and whacked her in the head everytime she tried to escape, I sang " I am making Kathy Stew". Which by the way I clearly remember watching "Bugs bunny" where Elmer Fudd was making "Rabbit Stew".

- I fed her "CONTACT" PILLS and told her they were candy until they had to pump her stomach.
- I chased her to the bathroom with a butcher knife and stabbed the door about a hundred times daring her to come out.
- I would make her watch me throw her toys down the well while telling her, " Your Next"
- I would make mud pies and put rocks in them and make her eat them. Rocks and all. If she said she didn't like them. I would scream at her "Don't you like my Cooking" "Eat it or I will beat you up and force you to eat it."

DO YOU GET THE IDEA YET? AND ALL OF THIS BEFORE I WAS 10. Can you imagine 7 years of that kind of torch-er? Why didn't she tell? Get help? I dared her, I would tell her " I would beat her even worse and even kill her" I had that girl terrified of her own shadow. Now you ask, "Where were your parents?". That answer is simple, Work! We lived in the country miles from any paved roads. There were 5 of us. Couldn't afford a babysitter. My older siblings watched us. "Yeah, Right!"
See, in the eyes of most adults I was the sweetest, prettiest little thing. Couldn't begin to think I would even dream of any of those things. Did I ever have them fooled.